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Sometimes I just want to run away. I want every rationalized thought in my head to disappear and I want to do something really stupid and unstructured. I have spent a good portion of my life at a job that I had not intended to keep after college and, though I know many people suffer the same disappointment, I feel like I am on the verge of snapping. I was sitting on the rooftop of a parking garage the other day with a friend watching the sun go down, and even though the sight was beautiful, I couldn’t help but think, “Why am I still here?” My friend and I talked about our lives as we had known it, how we are imprisoned at a place that we are miserable at and how we have come to be that way. I heard somewhere that a person either enjoys what they do for a living, or enjoys every other aspect of their life; rarely can a person obtain enjoyment for both.
I enjoy my life for the most part, with the exception of all of the “adult” responsibilities that 95% of the world has to deal with but I also think that 40 hours a week is too great a portion of my life to dread and resent. I have been on the threshold between self destruction and rational reality for many months now and as soon as I get a few drinks in my system, especially with that particular rooftop friend of mine around, not one thought in my head is coherent. She and I have reached certain bitterness toward our jobs that shouldn’t be mixed with any amount of alcohol.
One of these days, we are going to be fulfilling the mediocre tasks of our jobs, eating our mediocre sack dinners, discussing the mundane events coming up in the next few weeks and then BAM… down go a few tequila shots and before we know it we are half way across the Dakotas in a semi-truck driven by a man named Jim whose life is more sad than the ones we just left behind. The scenario I just painted for myself may not be too safe and the chances of me going through with it (or surviving it) are slim, but who knows? Maybe that is how great adventures begin. |
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| Posted: July 09, 2009 at 1:34 pm |
Posted in: No Category | Comments (1) |
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| It's one thing to write about your misery but another to accept it as an inescapable reality. Cultivate your boredom, till the unexpected, and harvest the change. |
| Posted by: Yellow Ledbedder | Posted: Jun. 15, 2010 @ 12:36 am |
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