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Life is full of questions, more questions than possibilities I think. When I was younger I was led to believe that I could do anything that my heart desired, the world was endless with possibilities. Why is it that grown-ups always lie to us like that when we are naïve little children? If I would have grown up with the ugly, harsh truth, I don’t think I would be stuck at a discouraging crossroads. I think we all expect the little pieces of our lives will fall together in time but for most of us, they don’t. You have to work hard at it, you have to force those pieces, and often times they don’t fit and there will always be awkward gaps in your life’s puzzle.
I know a few people (and I’m sure everybody does) that literally make me sick because of how often they seem to happily land on their feet. Somebody that you love but envy because of this lucky trait that they possess. This envy is probably dim-witted of me to feel because I only have a peripheral view of their lives and they probably have as many internal issues that I do but I still wish my life was more at ease as theirs seems to be.
What I am trying to say is that I wish that I wasn’t so rational and I wish that when I chose to be irrational it worked. I know that if I come upon some spontaneous moment in my life where I used all of the pennies and nickels I had to run away, I wouldn’t get very far. I wouldn’t be living life in worriless bliss, I wouldn’t be living in paradise, I wouldn’t be doing whatever it is I want to do. No, none of these things would happen. I would become a penniless bum, I would be tracked by creditors and loan officers, I would virtually be homeless. I would be a drifter, but the bad kind of drifter, the one that towns buy one-way bus tickets for so you can be somebody else’s problem.
The questions of life are not relieving and there is no right answer to them, there are multiple answers and it just depends on what it is you would rather do at the moment. Or not what it is you would rather do but what it is you HAVE to do. It makes me wonder why people go through such hell to live life when their life doesn’t seem to be getting much better. Why do we spend so much time and energy keeping up the pace with life rather than try to make it better? We stay at our miserable jobs just to bring home a steady paycheck but why do you even want that steadiness if it is just going to be mediocre? Why do we settle for contentment? Why don’t we try to make it better? All of these questions either go unanswered or the answer is too depressing to face… Maybe we are just too scared to plunge for happiness, maybe we are masochists, or maybe we are just too comfortable. This is just a depressing realization but I’m hoping it will have the opposite affect on both my readers and myself. Encourage change.
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| Posted: August 25, 2009 at 1:50 pm |
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